ask if his dick looks like a sausage. alex's bro told me that's a sure sign. btw took pain pills. maybe shouldn't listen to me.
I just woke up in my car with half the wedding cake next to me. This will not end well.
Have u ever been so drunk that pissing urself felt like a better idea than walking to the bathroom? I entered those waters last night
dude, I just walked in on your little brother changing clothes...I'm ashamed to say I noticed, but that kid has as MASSIVE cock...
Yeah...we all know. it's the elephant in the room at family gatherings.
that is a frighteningly accurate metaphor for it.
So many stories. To uyou are sober. I heart you though. Jesus. Dirrty dancing jusyt came oine!!no. Lie.
please come over and have sex with me so we can talk about prom and kill 2 birds with one condom
Ok not good, my info has definitely been submitted to this sugar daddy website before.
Just found an unopened tied g of coke on the floor in her room... she thinks the maintenance guy dropped it earlier today. This takes the cake for sketchiest apartment.
The maintenance guy says happy birthday. Also, he likes your penis balloon.
we're a generation of lazy underachieving stoners and uncreative overachieving automatons. you're golden
I mean, I love her. But not "I'll have a threesome with her." Type of love.
Had a dream that you were held at gun point. But I killed the guy. Then we embraced in the biggest hug while everyone around us clapped... Kinda how I imagine our wedding...
How was jagerbomb pong?
It was like communism. Great in theory. Terrible when put into practice
so i put my jacket on last night that you wore last weekend, and reach inside the pockets and find them full of goldfish...
the snack that smiles back:)
Sober sex is weird like I didn't expect this when I got clean
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