Where the fuck is Rob at, he hasnt answered his phone in like 2 weeks.
Dude Rob died 2 weeks ago wtf?
Holy shit r u serious? How?
Just kidding, but im pretty sure he boned your gf and doesnt want to talk to you.
woke up this morning with pubes superglued to my face, not my pubes
Note to self: never do anything I don't want to explain to a paramedic
So fucked up. Can't tell if I'm starving or about to puke. Playing it safe and eating froot loops. Tasty in, colorful out.
In all honesty of all my sexual conquests, his dick is probably my proudest moment.
you said candy land and then passed out.
ps. we found your stash in the candyland game. Thanks.
Dude cabbage spilt on the floor, and now danielles rolling it. Happy st party's day.
Favor? Can you not wear as much glitter on your face this time? Walking in the house looking like a disco ball was enough embarrassment for the week 😒
I feel like I deserve an award for facing my fear of penises in my face.
We had sex and he ended up in the hospital... don't know if I should be worried or proud.
we talked about the guy being eaten by the anaconda.. Then I proceeded to blow him
You know you were really drunk last night when you woke up and had someone else's jacket with their car keys and medical marijuana that you wore home from the bar and no sign of your actual jacket.
Failing this, see a doctor for elephant tranquillisers, to be taken with whiskey orally, twice at dawn.
I wish there were more things in this world as wonderful as string cheese
Surriously
So he apologized for peeing on my floor.. then we fucked all night.
Real classy
Randomize
