She wouldn't go home with me cause I forgot her name. I didn't realize it would matter after she danced with her vagina on my face
So im walking through ohare and this guy walks by with a cart full of big bottles of liquor. I want to know what flight hes on.
He insisted on sleeping in my bed. Had he taken all of my obvious hints I would have sucked his dick. He only wanted to snuggle. My world has been turned upside down.
...She then said get into the spirit and started making firecracker noises while having sex
everyone contributed. i held her hair back, he rubbed my vag... it was a team effort.
Change of plans. Theres a bouncy castle setup in my apartment complex.
Nothing is more awkward than taking a dump while someone is crying in the bathroom.
I know how I'm going to make my fortune.. designing an icepack made specifically for the vagina.
You slammed your forties down on the table and yelled "I AM EDWARD FORTYHANDS" then mumbled something about repping Idaho like a champ and laid down on the couch.
Oh god I just realized bird face had che Guevara tattooed on her upper arm. Deals off, readivised opinion
Also, upon examining the photos, I have concluded that you were the sloppiest drunk girl of the night. And that's saying something considering Hurricane Jessica was in town.
I will be there. invited or not. I go where the pancakes go.
being single and having a boyfriend 300 miles away is eerily similar. never skipped a beat eating hot wings in my bed with no pants or masturbating every day.
This is my punishment for trynna have a festive time with a stranger. I always forget you can't get weird with one night stands
It's best not to have your booty call on social media. So if they post stupid shit, you still want to fuck them.
Randomize
