can't come. weird drunk guy passed out on couch. long story, tell u later.
wtf. wake him up, call him a cab, get over here!
i just want to make sure he doesn't die. or rob me. plus it's facinating, he's faceplant on the arm of my sofa.
Hey, It's Lauren. i wanted to talk to you tonight. I like you, as you know because kyle told you. I was wondering if you liked me too?
Are you in the third fucking grade? Check yes or no.
I just used Master P to describe what sound the letter U makes to my daughter...
If penises could fly, my ass would totally be an airport.
Since when does wearing a condom and going down on me make someone a gentlemen?
I find it ironic that im starting my birth control on mothers day.
I'm really proud of her, she waited until she was on tiled floor to start puking on the ground
Look dude, you cant keep blaming everything on the new years party. Its february...
He did not want a thank you for helping me move in bj. I don't know how to thank him now.
you might as well be a hobo. you were covered in pee last night hanging out on the stairs drunk.
right. well we all have our lows.
How do I politely say my vagina is not a chew toy and if you bite me again I will slap you?
You could say take it easy, whoa there, be gentle, anything that doesn't fully convey the horror.
After the clumsiest day of my life I think it's safe to say my dream of being a ninja is dead. Memorial service with a glass of wine at 8pm
You give an incredible blow job. I wanted to make sure you know it was appreciated
I hope April is a better month for dicks. March has been very disappointing.
Whose panties are you wearing on your head and why are you sending me pics of it?
Randomize
