the 3rd commandment: and god said, if you buy a handle.. you must finish it.
He sat on a barstool and did the robot for 3 hours - I'm pretty sure he enjoyed himself.
I don't think he understands what an important role his penis plays in my level of self esteem
Ever have those mornings where you just can't wait to puke in the shower?
This weekend was suppose to be a 'smoke weed and stare at things' weekend. Not a 'spend all my rent money partying with Europeans till 8 am' weekend
Yeah but those French chicks did get naked
I've reached the point to where my pre-gaming needs to be limited to pre-inning-ing
he just asked me for a tag team. like at least let me get changed out of your roommates clothes from last night first...
My bullwhip has saved my life tonight and gotten me laid. I'm gonna be Indiana Jones every Halloween!
He showed up at my house, drunk, proclaiming that he needed to fuck me...my dad let him in
Ok so last thing I remember was hugging a cop while vomiting
He saved you from those guys at the club, took you home, and made you breakfast. If this isn't your come to Jesus moment IDK what is.
He just compared our sex to a grand slam on Wii fitness
You're doing it right
You start to question your morals when you wake up at 430 and there's three people naked...that you don't no
I just found glitter glue on my jesus bracelet...am I really that gay?
Our livers get a hall pass for 2020, right?
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