I am drunk raised to the nth degree. The possibility of getting sick is approaching infinity.
nothing this campus sells is worth it. not even sex.
Sitting at a bar next to a guy wearing sunglasses drinking a pitcher by himself and having an argument with himself over if journey is more ballin than kiss. Feel better about myself.
my nick name has gotton too long over the years..C.T.P.S.G.F.P.G.......cock tease private school groupie frat party groupie.
i woke up this morning next to my toilet covered in an attempt to make blanket of toilet paper
Its what jesus would do if there were bud light in his time. I feel obligated.
I'm calling into work with a wicked case of sledge hammer crotch. She has to understand
Maid of honor is brides sister and single. Likes lemondrops. You're welcome.
I'm a big fan of your penis but I will not sit through an animated movie dedicated to it.
Even when you're not here I still manage to get pad thai in my vagina
I'm not sure whom I'm texting but I put you in my phone as last nights fuck budy, and I'm just curious if I left my clutch with you?
Eight drinks in. Subject is fondling chips before eating them. Intoxicated texting has expanded from best friend to random guy I met in FBLA.
He asked me if I remembered touching his police badge. awk.
So after my hot dog popped out of the bun and fell to the ground I tried to pick it back up and eat it. He had to kick it away from me to stop me from trying to pick it back up and eat it. I like him.
We're too hungover to prance.
Randomize
