I just febrezed the jizz on my pants and wore them again, gross or eco-friendly?
Eco-friendly.
We lost the cork forthe wine, so we used a tampon as a replacement. I never loves tampons so much
I woke up to his little sister feeling me up. I guess it's time to meet the family.
i feel like our whole relationship was one big acid trip
Sorry I didn't text you for coffee this morning...bad life decision Saturday sorta rolled into Monday...
Woaahhhh there! We are JUST drunk fucking. Don't call me "baby".
What was she thinking? I'm not in the business of charity fucks anymore.
Throwing up in his bed is not a step up in your relationship
So we were having sex and his roommate walks in eating a bag of chips. Then proceeds to talk to us about his bitch of a professor.
Did he at least offer you guys chips?
I'm going to need a Jurassic park sized pooper scooper to deal with all this shit last night caused.
Happy "I'm glad our dad made us sisters and then summarily downgraded himself to sperm donor" day.
Has anyone ever blacked out at an art show your dad brought you to?
I can't go to the bars anymore. She wanted to see me again and I drunkenly told her I was moving today. If she spots me I'm fucked.
I think I swiped left on my soulmate
There's nothing like a guy talking about your vagina as if it's delicious food to make your day better.
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