Let's make love on the newspapers that declare financial doomsday
i chose cheese fries over sex for the third time this week.
im pretty sure there are laws against slapping prostitutes
i'm pretty sure there are laws against prostitutes.
If our dicks could shake hands in congratulations they would
we've decided to start cutting you off when you can't figure out how to work an ipod.
I am going to dream of scrotums tonight, I just know it.
At the drs she looked at my back saw your scratch marks and asked "does your back itch a lot?"
He is dating a girl who is on the Olympic shooting team...I've never been so scared to hit on a guy with a girlfriend in my entire life.
He cried & told me I reminded him off his mother. I don't want to talk about it. I want to drink about it.
I feel like I smell like bad decisions
She always used to joke about becoming a stripper. WHO'S FUNNY NOW?!
I sent him a tex saying, "I thought my intentions were clear" drunk me has some balls.
I’m honestly just flattered that you think I could make PornHub’s Top 10.
I'm sorry i showed you my boobs.. I probably shouldn't have done that.
My parents left me the house for the weekend...you know what that means?!
Harry Potter marathon and no pants.
Randomize
