In regards to your tweet: as its been said on all of those posters on ffffound: keep calm and carry on
You Definitely drank the goldfish bowl like it was a giant margarita
That's the secret to virgins: blizzards.
Yeah. Fortunately, the road to Hell is paved with naked 21 year old girls.
Which beats the fuck out of good intentions.
It's like alcoholism for beginners at my kitchen table.
Still can't believe they give people like us a drivers license and college degree.
Hu mahhiw im so tired.i just got done. In fo dleepu. Aaaaaaahh. I qisj my mom filmed me. In axtunf so funny
It was a sobriety test blowjob. If he could get it up, he could get me home.
After the baby comes, I'll make us White Russians with my breast milk. That will teach her about sharing.
The bachelorette started when I opened the door and they threw a few dozen dildos at me.
I did coke with the Royal Navy last night. God save the queen.
You're like the fucking Mozart of sexting.
1. Everyone on the 1st and 3rd floor heard you. 2. The 3rd floor vibrates when we have sex. 3. The 1st floor can hear the bed squeak.
How does the curb feel today?
It's stronger than my elbow. But I found my lighter while I was down there.
The cops asked Ben if he was drunk and he slurred "I'm man enough to admit that I am" with a southern draw
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