When you told me you were coming to my show, I didn't know you were bringing Satan and Brokeback Mountain with you.
Peach margaritas. And fuck whatever you're about to say, the girl to guy ratio is like 6:1. I need those odds
I just realized that I'm gonna have to lower my standards if I want random head.
dont worry about it. i always have emergency bong water with me
and she is using the paper towels as a pillow... but you know what? i've done that too.. so u can really tell we are sisters.
We made out for three hours. Then she said she didn't sleep with redheads and left the party. So yes, I'm still drinking.
Like what kind of adult things? Whats more adult than drinking at 2pm on a monday?
He had me saved in his phone as "Dick Socket". Lets see if I ever fuck him in a bathroom again.
There is a homeless man handing out free beer on the city bus. He has a cooler and everything. I love this trashy yet generous city.
dude, i just accidentally flashed your mom. BIG TIME.
He said he cried as he watched porn yesterday; I'd say he's taking the break-up pretty bad....
Dude he's moving to fucking Germany now. What is it about your vagina that makes men want to flee the continent?
She was from Wisconsin, she had great boobs... I mean... It's a dairy state....
Well shove his head down there and tell him not to stop til we have a new president!
Let's put it this way. Mom is bringing me a new shirt and I smell like lube.
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