my roommates friend slept in my bed when i was out of town..she ran out screaming cause she saw my VCR
I went to check the drunk texts i sent last night but my phone deleted them already. Even my phone is ashamed.
we hate each other therefore the sex is mindblowing
So i was told that i peed in the sink, had sex with a pillow and banged on a washer while singing idian chants
Upside of a two-day migraine: thanks to a prominent "E" in the middle of every pill, I think we can totally pass off Excedrine Migraine as ecstasy to stupid, drunk freshman. This is totally going to happen. That entrepreneurship course is paying off.
update: ifinallt managed t5o be in a. Horizontal position without throwing up... the snmall victories.
It's ok for me to have his baby but I can't be his friend on fb. Wth is wrong with this
DUDE EDDIE MURPHY JUST DID A BODY SHOT OFF A HOOKER. IM NEVER COMING HOME
Im playing the how drunk can i get before my card declines game. being single sucks. But getting drunk after work alone in fridays on a wenesday night sucks way more.
were facing impending death from north korea and were sitting here snorting tylenol to get high.....where did our lives go wrong?
I'm keeping track of how many times I've said "Shhh, act like you're not naked." in my life. So far, 3 times.
We had sex twice and at Wendy's how dare you diminish that.
you tried to drunkinly do the backflip kick off of karate kid and broke the big screen
Spent 38 bucks on dollar wells last night. I'm pretty sure my liver is staging a mutiny right now.
sam was dropping a deuce next to me. wrote me a note that said "glad we shared this experience." passed it under the wrong stall. the other guy picked it up. that's all I know so far.
Randomize
