Reason #82 that I need to get laid: my pubes are getting split ends.
How come ATM is perfectly acceptable, yet not washing your hands after you poo is socially reprehensible?
Dude we need to petition the city about running buses later, none of my booty calls own cars
I ended up giving him head, i think it was mostly a defensive move so that he wouldn't discover i was wearing those onesy spanx
I don't know what you told him but please make him stop telling me about his new video camera and winking
Sorry for trying to force you and Robert to make out. I didn't realize how awkward it was until I woke up today.
i just wanna get shit faced and pass out in some random holly bush with a bucket on my head and stockings for shoes.
Please rescue me. but take your time, im getting pizza
sorry to break it to you, but he's definitely fucking that other girl now...
I wish I still at least had the bruises on my ass to remember him by.
I fell into a police barricade, a cop helped me up and asked if I've been drinking. I just looked at him and said "dude.." He proceeded to take out his handcuffs
I hugged the bouncer as we left.
I apologize in advance for the number of sex toys drying on the bathroom sink.
He let me eat chexmix while we fucked... I think I love him.
Sooo...you're driving 6 hours for free booze?
Don't judge me.
You got into an extremely loud argument with a juggalo and slapped him, he started crying and everyone cheered.
I remember that, it happened before I started drinking. I thought you said I did something shameful?
Randomize
