The producers of Marley and Me owe me about $5 million. That's the dollar amount of embarrassment compensation required for making a 24-year-old male cry publicly on an airplane while sitting in the middle seat between a gorgeous babe and a guy with a do-rag
we just decided that lesbian tuesdays are a must, as of tomorrow.
I have no memory of puking on someone. Was he cute?
I'm tuning in to watch Heidi Montag crash and burn on the Miss Universe Pageant. Somebody call 911. and I'm not talking about the Sean Kingston song.
Just woke up with 34 slim-jims in my pocket. Too afraid to check the others.
He used the expression "my couch is your couch" as a come on line.
I gave up on alcohol forever for like 2 hours, that's got to be a new record
It's now 8:05 on a Wednesday night and I'm already going home with my bra in my purse.
before the moonshine you were already braiding the bouncers beard -_-
our relationship was basically a one night stand, with a three week long, morning after
You get 5 min
Your time limits don't scare me, I'll include foreplay and redressing in that 5 min. If you wanted to challenge me you should say you got an hour, id be scared then and more creative.
Amnesty Wednesday? I'm free to do dirty things to you and you can't laugh or judge?
dont know how to tell my grandparents I woke up in a frat house in the wrong town and that's why I can't see them today
I got pulled over by the same cop in a 4.5 hour window. Got off both times. Fuck yes.
now whenever i pass that house all i can think about is how i pooped in their yard..
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