I still can't believe I found a dildo in my ceiling today.
I don't care how ugly she is, I can't turn down a free movie +bj. In this economy that's downright irresponsible
update. expensive tequila only makes the mistakes more expensive.
Had to have a serious talk with my liver and remind it that it is my birthday weekend and there are three more nights like last night ahead of us
Also, did that cop draw hearts on everyone's hands last night?
He wouldn't let me go down on him. He stopped me and told me he was a giver.
I just got a nosebleed on a date at the cheesecake factory...
just run out of the bathroom with blood gushing down your face and scream "ITS IN THE CHEESECAKE!!!!!"
2 men making out for 2 seconds to trick a cop so they don't get arrested for being pulled over rolling a blunt is not gay.
Is "when in doubt date the guy with the bigger dick" a good philosophy?
We had half a pitcher of beer left and he asked us if we wanted a to-go cup. Fuck yeah we want it to-go.
Are you going to eat tacos off the floor again?
how much of this shit do i need to take before i think its a good idea to set the house on fire and scream satanic mantras?
I'm both gender and math confused
She is either doing really drawn out crunches or trying to sniff her boobs...She's lying on her back with her hand behind her head, forcing her head into the cleavage that's ok to expose and then moves her head back and then does it again.
I’m so poor I’m filling a flask with vodka and bringing it to the bar.
Randomize
