I got to work, greeted my staff, then went into the bathroom to throw up. Who hired me to run a business???
as they left, you opened the door, dropped your pants then yelled "don't leave, this is what you're missing"
literally the only thing you kept saying was "i wish i had a beer keg vending machine that accepted hugs as payment" and everytime you said it you rubbed the urn her grandmother's remains were in
were drug buddies, doing lines off her ass is just a bonus
hes like my own personal sex toy i use him on the weekends and then i have the option to put him away all week
yes i am an adult who snuck out of my parents house to cuddle with a guy and then came home and listened to taylor swift. judge me all you want.
Though I feel a moral obligation to take you there, point out all of the male supervisors and slap you on the wrist and yell, "NO!!"
I'm not so good at organized events that don't revolve around whiskey or playgrounds.
I gasped. Both pairs of lips did.
I need a nap, Harry Potter movies, and dick in this exact order after work.
This is why I only drink in places with a C or D health rating
Who knew sons of strippers would be really feminist boyfriends?
Thanks for ruining my life with your man penis
You ripped the leaves off the top of a pineapple then rubbed the rough skin part all over your face saying "this is how you mate with other species"
I think the cashier at 7/11 might be planning an intervention for me.
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