I would say the hottest chick there looked like Susan Boyle and the ugliest like Bea Arthur
Nice use of current day folklore
there needs to be a "man fax report". like car fax. type in the guys name and bday and up pops all the bad shit he's ever done.
for future reference: anal bleach BEFORE boozing
That still doesn't explain why you thought it was a good idea to paint a cow on my guitar
whatever a "slut portfolio" is, mine is apparently almost complete
There is nacho cheese and blood everywhere.
I barely even remember him. He is just a distant beard in my past.
Idk we were snorting lines and making out in the stall while these people were cheering us on, on the other side. And that's when I realized he wasn't the only guy in the girls bathroom.
I noticed a trail of vomit coming up the drive way. You must be home
Apparently "I have the beer shits" isn't the excuse my boss wanted to hear. So sue me
I bet, I woke up to you like naked at 4 in the morning shoving a sandwich in your face
the bouncer just handed me a Starbucks bag of pound cake
He's honking my boob in his sleep
It's innocent and endearing in some way
You have GOT to stop kicking in his kitchen door. Just wait for him to open it next time.
I just thought you should know that you should be proud of your dick. It's pretty much perfect. Just, ya know, by the way.
Randomize
