I have a love/hate relationship when men come within a 10 minute time frame.
I cant. I'm trying to smell my vagina.
You watched "From Justin to Kelly" and sang along to more than half of the songs. I didn't know whether to laugh or to be insanely frightened that you knew almost all the lyrics.
you wouldn't stop saying "oil can" in the tin man voice until I gave you back your flask
If I had a clone, I'd fuck it with a condom
I feel compelled to tell you that I woke up this morning and found an entire corn on the cob in my purse. Ive decided not to question my drunken behavior anymore, and to just accept it as my lifestyle.
Yeah. Let's save our goodbyes for when I'm obnoxiously and embarrassingly drunk and more than likely naked.
Just made a jeopardy bj game. Every question has 10-50 seconds on it and if he's right that's how many he gets.
I just dumped bong water and Bacardi out of my purse into the trash can. Everything in my purse is soaked. I hate Sundays.
I just bought the spice girls album. We will be doing music videos in the near future. You are our baby spice-- don't fight it
I swear going to your house is like going to a strip club, no matter what happens I get glitter on me.
I just bottomed with the last unicorn playing in the background. I've hit a new level of gay.
How do you clean puke off a stuffed bear?
Accidentally donated half a joint to Kiwanis with the spare change from my car's ashtray. I hope those kids appreciate it.
Tomorrow I'm going to tape my thumbs to my palms and my biceps to my abdomen to learn what it's like to be a t-rex for a day. Anyone else in?
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