Seriously dude, you need to stop beating off to the ellen show, it's just weird.
i told my grandma i broke up with my boyfriend. her reply " you need to play the field more anyway"
she says her boyfriend and her dignity are both out of town tonight
Omg. Budweiser tramp-stamp sighting @ Wal-mart. Best tattoo EVAR.
All the good ones are taken. All that's left is the Harry Potter geek or the asshole in the corner. I think I'll settle for Harry Potter.
Walk of shame... his parents made me go to church with them first. in my club top sweat pants and slippers. i just slapped god in the face
I'm still reeling over the fact that you beat us all at Risk while you were flat on your ass drunk and falling asleep on South America.
I've come to realize time passes slowest when I'm sitting in class, waiting for microwavable foods, working out, & giving head.
Hahaha I can already see the arrest warrants. It's gonna be beautiful. I'll get them framed.
He kept telling me Te Amo last night. Over and over. And that he was scared. Drunkenly. In Spanish.
I just googled: how soon can I pee on a stick. What is my life coming to.
Someone stole a lamp last night.
Can we relax the "married man" rule just once?
Sometimes being bisexual is a curse. Turns out I banged both of her older twin brothers last summer.
You tried to fight someone about spaghetti o’s?
That hungover.
Randomize
