No, I'm only going to drink half my paycheck. That's the responsible thing to do.
dude. she was texting with her nipple. I love touch screen phones!
Last night I ate parmesan cheese straight out of the container while watching Chelsea Lately. Look at what happens to me when you leave.
Dude..masurbate with cocoa butter lotion..its like cocoa pebbles just gave me a hand job
He kept saying "this is a bad idea" wasn't in his vocabulary. He left at 2 came back at 6 eating frozen waffles and he had a symbol, a moped mirror, and a new MacBook. I'd say he had a good time
a kid who worked there came up to me and let me know you were sitting in the bathroom sink. he said it was fine, so i just kept checking on you.
Its what im here for. Critiquing penis photos.
it's graduation. he's gonna get congratulations slash emotional i cant believe youre leaving me sex.�
No, we will not be going out tonight. We are trying to grow the toy donkey in whiskey rather than water. Serious fucking science. Have fun at the boring bar while we Bill Nye it up in this bitch.
I mean thanks for the bj but i wanna forget everything that happened last night between 11 and 5
I bet the guy on the treadmill next to me with the noise-canceling headphones wishes he could trade them for smell-canceling noseplugs. Hard to believe that last one did not involve any pants-shitting on my part.
Oh we were great hosts that night. We made sure to leave all the beds open by passing out on the bathroom floors instead.
i still can't believe he got laid by going to the bar and handing out "cuddle buddy" application forms
Drunk him got in a fight with his wife he literally bought a plane ticket and flew to Hawaii. He just called me and asked why I let it happen. From Hawaii hahaha.
so in 24 hours i have gotten caught having sex in my car by a cop, almost burnt off my vag, almost got hit by a semi, and got fired. awesome.
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