I've never had a man I enjoyed more than steak
he just fed my chickens on farmville...i guess that's his way of saying thanks for the sex<3
Y'know, without the cops, it would've just been us daydrinking,
I found out during it when he said "my girlfriend never does this" so he's all to blame, I had no idea until half way through.
EMERGENCY: IS A KAREOKE RICKROLL ACCEPTABLE IN THE YEAR 2011?
Just been one of those weeks where alcohol out weighs friendship
I am currently listening to someone take a shit. I hate the hole in the ceiling.
Meeting relatives from another state drenched in tequila and smelling of weed. I'm gonna kill you for soaking the only bra I brought in Jose Cuervo Gold.
Her mom walked into the garage as we were smoking a kush blunt with sombreros on.
He never broke character while fucking me on the neighbor's lawn. I give him a 10 for his dedication to the British accent.
We should have a bouncer at the top of our stairs asking the guys we bring home for ID...
That final makes me want to drink myself into the fetal position
NATIONAL GIVE A BOSTON COP A BLOW JOB BITCH ROAD TRIP NOW
So the tow truck driver didn't charge us because Ian convinced him that he was sent out by God to share his cocaine with us.
I have to choose between charging my phone or my vibrator. This is bullshit.
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