Just met a guy who has been in college for 7 years and still classified as a junior. Then watched him shotgun 10 beers. Found my new hero
I think he was having a seizure but nobody knew because 'what is love' was playing
so my phone autocorrects 'retard' to 'retaaahd'. i LOVE being a masshole!
im going to live freely with my legs opened and my heart closed
You think they'd ask my permission before turning Pajamarama into an orgy. I saw too many of my friends dicks at once the door got kicked down.
I'm still not completely convinced I'm not pregnant. I just dipped beef jerky in cream cheese frosting.
It's gotten to the point that the dirty talk in my head when I touch myself has your accent
all i remember is walking in on u shitting and crying listening to shawty get loose. its safe to say this break up has taken a toll on u
He just sent me a picture of himself naked while cooking pancakes and he made the caption "bitchin' in the kitchen"
I love 4am trips to the ER. I feel so responsible for actually making it all the way here.
He said I gave him the best head he's ever had and I bowed. I BOWED.
I haven't been dieting for my entire life to date some guy who thinks his dad bod is a riot.
Once again, marijuana saves me from going to jail
I just want him to hold me after a bad midterm. Is that even too much to ask for after sleeping with him twice?
He fucked the hangover right out of me. That good.
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