we went to a bar last night, drank beer in plastic cups. I took pics w/a random kid i pulled into a photobooth & i have easy mac in my purse. I belong here.
I just went through her cupboards. Eye patch and sword. nowhere near each other. different shelfs.
i'm in his phone as sushi coochie
his profile picture is a blurry one of him holding a beer. i recognized him instantly.
Never thought I'd say this but I just want to go home, ice my balls, and pop a Vicodin.
I am too drunk to deal with your everything. Reread this everytime you feel the need to talk to me.
Did you hear me? I HAVE THE CONTENTS OF AN NBA PLAYER'S CONDOM IN MY BEDROOM TRASHCAN!! This shit is potentially worth millions of dollars to a fertile young female who is ovulating. How do I sell it fast??
he may be homeless but his dick however is not... anymore.
I asked her why she was drunkenly masturbating to Iron Man and all she replied was "Robert Downey Jr". As far as excuses go, that seemed pretty legit.
The tequila covers up the fact that the choco liquor tastes like sadness.
Hey, I'm making progress. I haven't thrown up in a bar while wearing a sweater vest in almost two months.
Young lesbians are the worst. And also what got me through high school, sooooo
This is the beginning of the end. Testicle Tuesdays and free ball Friday are going to scar people for life
Dude that picute of your balls will haunt my nightmares
How ya feelin sunshine?
Like a million dollars! ... That has been hit by a bus, drowned under water and beat repeatedly by a shovel.
My son's girlfriend just thanked me for having good penis genes.
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