There were 3 chicks in my bed I didn't know when I got home. Now I know all of them. Biblically.
Was going to watch Bolt. Fucked a stranger instead. Details later.
So you didn't like Bolt?
He left the bathroom door open so i would hear him masturbate in the shower to make me feel guilty for not putting out but it just turned me on cause i like guys masturbating. weird?
you were stealing lawn gnomes and punching cars. I'm not surprised you got arrested.
i hope whoever thought of bagged wine flip cup last night has the same hangover as me. not ok.
omfg. get on facebook. the science olympiad team had a rave.
do you ever get flashbacks of ppl you had sex with and just shudder at how gross they were/how drunk you were?
story of my life.
Some guy just delivered flowers to my roommate cause he fell off a roof onto her at a party last night. I think they have a date tomorrow.
There was a note in my hello kitty underwear telling me "don't go over 9000"
Did you leave a blizzard on my porch last night? Or was that someone else giving out a metaphorical threat to me?
I'm having flashbacks from last night. Did I admit to pausing Whitney's funeral because I was watching porn? I believe I did.
I still have his teeth marks on the base of my penis. You didnt miss much
Not gonna lie I just got drunk and started doing applications because I know I'm going into work tomorrow still drunk
If you find my integrity anywhere, please tell it to come back home
Give it up bro. I’m not wearing pants or a bra and only an act of god could change that
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