I swear she didn't look like that last week.
You know your in college when you decide house chores with games of beer pong...
it wasn't sex, it was awkward naked time.
you rearended a car with your bike and then puked all over his back windshield. They made BUI's for you.
I sent the random girl I had sex with last night a 'happy mothers day' text as a reminder to get the morning after pill.
I officially became the girl who let a guy get her off under the covers last night while her roommate and a friend were there. He was impressed by my ability to stay quiet and stay relatively focused on the conversation...
I am so ashamed of you, and yet so proud.
Look, as a friend I'm asking to see a picture of his tiny dick
I just let my hand run under cold water for five minutes. I couldn't stop staring at it and the only things I could think about were how amazing it felt, how cool water was, and what a wonderful world it is that we live in. Reasons why I don't smoke...
I had to help some 40 year old women shoot down some 21 year old who called her his "milf fantasy"
Obama's speech on in 9 mins. Me in the shower now. Naked. Make your choice.
I'm bringing the tv in with me.
It's George Washington's Birthday. Can you not put on some red white and blue and get really drunk for the original Merican??
woke with Taco Bell next to me in bed and people's shoe sizes written on my arm.
Her name was Danica but I felt like it would be hard to say drunk so I called her Shelby
He brought me a bottle of Jack, got me off 3 times, & then left. This is the best fakelationship ever!
Dude, she stopped mid blow job to ask the cat's name. ADHD might be a deal breaker after all.
Randomize
