dude...i just woke up in ****'s bed!
doesn't he have a girlfriend???
yeah...who do you think woke us up...
Guys who wear capris make me want to kill endangered species.
Pooping in your heated bathroom to the sound of rain and instrumental guitar might be the greatest experience ever.
woke up this morning with pubes superglued to my face, not my pubes
well we are all hammered and my parents are reminiscing about all the times they drove us home drunk from Christmas
I was totally going to sleep with him, until he got naked and started swinging around his boner singing "I'm so hard. oh yeah yeah yeah, I'm so hard" like Rihanna.
I wish you would always start your sentences with "speaking of my clit..."
It was awesome explaining why I had a tiger with boxers in my bed, a little bit drunk, to a girl in a pre-sex moment
dude Steve you don't even know. its just been one hairy asshole after another.
I've lost all respect for marriage since I joined this bachelor party.
All I know is I want him to tie me up at least twice a week and I have an overwhelming urge to cook for him. Could this be love? I'm so confused....
She needs more friends. Or a second therapist.
My day in three words: secret purse cake
The waitress at the airport bar just asked me if I wanted a "to go" beer, hahahahaha OF COURSE I WANT A TO GO BEER.
Every time I start to think he's just not worth the trouble, he puts his face down there and I wanna buy him a car
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