he just asked me if he could show me what he wanted to do to me using his action figures. where do i find these freaks?
I don't care if he acts like a don't exist 6 days a week. On the 7th day he makes makes my vagina cry. In a good way. Jesus understands.
I woke up this morning peeing out bubbles . I smell like baby wash . What the hell happened .
I wore water proof eyeliner just incase the first picture of me of 2012 is a mugshot
This juggling 3 dicks is getting exhausting
She just drunkenly falls over and yells " I lost my footing!" in a british accent and then proceeds to run into the wall... did you spike her water?
Not yoga, whiskey. Totally mis-typed whiskey.
No I did not just post a Craigslist ad for a used stripper pole because I can't afford my own. But now that you put the idea in my head I might have to.
I think I need to see a chiropractor after giving that blow job
I should be free tonight unless my 5 speed vibrator arrives in the mail today, than we might have scheduling conflicts.
That sounds worse than that time you thought out an entire story of how big bird would kill you
I'm having a funeral for my vibrator. Please be there. I need your dick for support.
I just realized my hands still smell like your cock. Which is awesome, but I wonder if the clerk at the store appreciated it.
I feel bad. I'm the reason hand sanitizer exists.
christmas shopping: 3 hours in the liquor store...
True I am eskimo brothers with every one of my room mates, but it was only two girls. And 9 outta 10 times I was first
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