No, computers are like whores. moody bitches that cost too much and no matter how much protection you have you can still get a virus
I just found a bagel and a condom in my coat pocket. I love blackouts
It wasn't a wasted relationship. I got road-head in an Escalade. I still keep that with me.
You said you couldnt get the condom on but "its the thought that counts"
about to tell this girl that sh'es my teenage dream. you have 15.358s to stop me.
theres still like 7 beers in the gutter from the roof party we had last night. i dont know how we got up there. but we need to get those beers down.
Indeed. The kind of morning where puking in someone's shoes is not frowned upon
We team puked and then made sex like wild monkeys. If that isn't love, I don't know what is.
my heart is telling me chinese, but my head is telling me beer.
I got blood in my smoothie but it still tastes ok. Fuck glenfiddich.
I dunno what's worse, the fact that I hooked up with a guy that shaves his armpits or that I didn't notice until he brought it up the next day
I promise that I won't shotgun beers with your boyfriend this time, Scouts Honor.
I only spent $42 at the bar last night, it's some sort of miracle.
you do remember it was dollar beer night, right?
That answers my next five questions
He lit my hand on fire and bought me chicken nuggets. I'm in love.
THERE IS JIZZ ON MY CEILING. HOW THE FUCK IS THERE JIZZ ON MY CEILING
Randomize
