I have this horrible feeling I'm going to blackout tonight & only be able to say 'wasabi bobby' over & over again.
everyone has their kryptonite. mine just happens to be 18 year old blonde girls.
he woke up with $200 in his pocket and had to buy his cell phone back from a hobo at the bus stop.
They nicknamed me the gargoyle. Sex with me is getting gargoyled. The last one I fucked yelled "gargoyle me" for dirty talk. I think fucking me is part of their pledging initiation. Somewhat OK with this.
My time here is complete. I think I have now thrown up in every major degree programs building
Multiple bruises and a hell of a headache later, I have still to find out where the fuck I picked up the bottom half of a mannequin.
You should photoshop their heads on tigers first!!
For my parents' annivery card? How high are you?
She left a blanket, pillow, a glass of water, and two advils in the bathroom for me. It's like she knew. Best room mate ever.
Did I run away from you last night?
Yeah it was a great moment for our friendship
You fell asleep mid blowjob with my vibrator in your HAND. So no, I will not bring you pizza.
What is your friends name that I hooked up with? ....I think j found his credit card under my bed
So I just saw someone get shoved into a car trunk by your car.
So as you were leaving, you leaned on the table too much and 3 glasses slid and fell to the floor. You then looked at me and said "To be honest, glass isnt that expensive anyways" and stumbled out of the bar.
New strategy for telling if someone is drunk: will they attempt to drink a candle if you put a straw in it?
I should not have moved in with him. He's got porn stashed everywhere like a homosexual squirrel.
You love porn!
Not in the sugar bowl when I'm making my Mom coffee I don't.
Randomize
