He was doing push ups, crunches and jogging in place in front of the restaurant. I'm not too sure I want to eat there if it requires immediate exercise following the meal.
why did u have a candy cane hung on your dick in the first place?
she has a santa fetish
cute.
pretty sure i saw you masturbating on chatroulette a minute ago. yes, i can recognize your cock
I THOUGHT I SAW YOU
she said shes getting her period tomorrow so she wants to have sex now. i didnt object. it would have been heartless.
ofcourse you didnt.
Nothing says I have a hang over like telling your boss to "eat your shit"
Its so hard looking at my mom and pretending I'm not dying a slow death of binge drinking
i think he was starting go for a boob grab when we both realized the middle of a public tennis court wasn't the place
We were thinking he might be gay. Like how the fuck do you not even make out with a girl that made you a grilled cheese
I'm doing homework tonight but if you end up going out drinking I would like one courtesy peer pressure text.
People don't tend to fuck with you when they think you have someone else's blood on your face
Just realized my relationship wasn't even Facebook official and I'd already cheated on him. 'Shitty girlfriend' is an understatement.
Was just messaged by someone in a Power Ranger suit on OkCupid... Figured you would approve
I don't remember anything but bad decisions last night
She fucked my eyebrows.. I've never had that done before.
Wait... Plucked, or Fucked?
Fucked, but I understand your need to clarify
I just opened my travel toothbrush holder and it smelled like vodka...maybe a vodka cranberry. This says a lot about my vacations.
Randomize
