Haha no. But I cannot hook up with you anymore. Especially when you group text people.
all we need is a web designer
and a bunch of prostitutes
So does your leg always twitch violently when someone plays with your clitoris? Or has my ten years of piano playing finally paid off?
Just wondering why in an apartment full of stoners there is half a waffle in the TRASH CAN. get ur shit together man
First shot of my 21st. 11 a.m. in econ class. Success.
he just found out the funeral is this morning so i'm wearing last night's clothes and look like a total slut.
Tell your boss that he's keeping you from eating a fuck sundae off of these 36-24-36 34 D's waiting for you at home on Valentine's Day.
You need to come over. I cant get her to stop eating honey mustard straight from the squeeze bottle
Dear Beer Goggles, it's time to see the eye doctor. With love, your biggest fan.
Let me shower first- i smell like sex and rock climbing (not so sure how that happened)
One of the guys I danced with wanted to give me his number so I convinced him I had a photographic memory and that I would remember it.
I don't believe in coincidence. I believe in the stars aligning perfectly to sodomise me in public. Who ever said I was cynical?
I have a present for you
Like a legit gift, not just me showing up and getting naked
Three of my exes and one of my exes' brothers have hit me up and it's only been a week. I hate semester break.
dude i told her that I loved her...and she said, " go fuck yourself"
Randomize
