Yea. I think between making the bride puke, feeling up the maid of honor, and sleeping with a bridesmaid. I did my part.
yeah he was eating me out and i didnt know someone made popcorn so I thought the smell was comming from my vagina
wtf
We left the bar, went to a sex shop, bought penis shotglasses, went back to the bar and insisted that the bartender used them.
Why am I a bad person? You were the one trying to get people to eat tape.
don't let me wipe my vag with a dirty leaf outside of mcdonalds ever again.
He must have sensed I was about to trade him in...he's really stepped up his sex game
I want you to read this conversation tomorrow and be proud of the fact that you taught me how to decipher any drunk message. Good job.
Favorite thing said to me in 2012: It's like you have two tongues!
Were you keeping a list?
I told him finishing at the same time would be a long-term project. Like flipping a house. A sexual house.
literally 50% of my time being 20 has involved my genitals thus far
In 2014 only three boys have seen my boobs so far
Yeah. I'm so over work, that I'm not even satisfied pretending to work anymore. I just flat out want to go home. Fuck this job
I just want to eat my penis shaped food in front of you and see how you feel about it.
Pretty sure I just got the ok to have a one night stand in Maui...from mom. I'd say that's a win in my book.
So today was the first day i've been sober since Wednesday according to my roommate!
Randomize
