How was last night?
She looked like Delta Burke in her fat Designing Women days ... and she just left like 2 minutes ago. Right after breakfast.
Im so sleepy and hes snoring super loud! i just wanna suffocate him, sleep, and deal with the body when I wake up
Learned a lot. Like boys with frosted tips still exist. And that they're sensitive to constructive criticism.
totally watching dr. phil and getting eaten out right now. be jealous.
I just wanna buy a tempur-pedic so i can drink in bed and not spill
Would you want me to push you down the stairs OR throw you a baby shower?? Real talk
Too many people are naked here for this to be normal.
woke up this morning to find the entire staircase covered in marinara sauce, with my roommate practically sobbing and scrubbing the wall with carpet cleaner.
she made out with a stripper. how was scrabble night with your girlfriend
You're really doing everyone a disservice by wearing pants all the time.
I vaguely remember making out with his tattoo (?) and giving him an awesome massage and then I passed out on his floor. Shrug
So last night was the first of "I got cut off before I walked in the bar".
3 words: harry potter burlesque. My life is so much more awesome than yours right now.
We are bad people. This is why we are friends. <3
For the record, if you sneeze while you have a dildo in your vagina and you dont have a good grip on it, that thing can get some distance.
Randomize
