i miss you so much
i miss you too
oops, did i send that to you? i meant to send it to the money you owe me
yo - did your mom get a boob job (I think she did)
I dunno... she just cried a lot and I kept sighing.
I made popcorn. Partly so the room doesn't smell like sex, and partly to apologize for the things you saw when you walked in...
My dry heaving is complicating my ability to speak.
We were thinking he might be gay. Like how the fuck do you not even make out with a girl that made you a grilled cheese
We sat in his closet and drank four loko out of my camelbak for an hour in the dark. You tell me how my night went.
She looked at me and said "i like penises." and then passed out with her condom balloon animal in her hands.
That's some primal shit right there. My vagina is all like CONSUME HIM AND HIS FRUIT HE WILL GIVE YOU SONS!
My genitals don't want beer. They want to not feel like they wandered into a hornet's nest.
Do you think the firemen will remember me?
Yes. But you were sloppy, sobbing, and puked on two of them. You won't get in their pants.
You tried to pick a fight with a polka band saying that you'd wrap the accordion around their throats
Vagina status: the swelling is going down.
A reply to my tweet is getting more likes than mine, the disrespect is real
Let’s not dwell on the negatives. I have a fat ass and suck dick well.
Randomize
