Dude love is like an itch. You fuckin scratch it, then it itches more, then you scratch it and it itches more, and before you know it, there is semen everywhere.
you are insane
Definitely just saw a grown man at wal mart wearing high heels and carrying a baby
What the fuck were you doing at wal mart?
I just remembered I opened the taxi door when I was at a red light last night and puked. And then when I was done I closed the door and told him he may proceed with caution.
he asked if i wanted their team name to be " Amandas angels" or " Fuk budies" either way an intermural softball team of all my hook ups from spring semester is just depressing. convenient but depressing
we're going to drop off one of our cars at the police station tonight so we'll be able to drive home in the morning
new costume idea. paint swatches and a ball gag... I'll be 50 shades of grey.
I had not one but two drunk coworkers text me and hit on me tonight. I feel like I've finally been accepted into my dysfunctional workplace
I donkey kicked that mother fucker. Never stood a chance.
It was a door. A completely inanimate object, of course it didn't stand a chance you idiot.
i told him I'd let him eat part of a weed cookie out of my cleavage, so he pulled over like a gentleman.
It just smells like spaghetti and despair.
If I'm going to keep blacking out this much I need to start taking more pictures.
I know it's just really hard to give up sex and cigs during a blizzard
I have 2 voicemails from u last night. one of them is just 5 min of u saying "doodling"...
Did you see her happy birthday to emily on facebook? The gist of it is like: hey emily you almost died at birth im glad you didn't. love mom.
Just checked out of walmart with a 30 pack of Budlight and a wiffle bat. Hello, Monday night.
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