Plan B is the new Plan A
I'm currently imdbing Helena Bonham Carter to see if there are any pictures of her that don't scare the crap out of me.
Good luck with that.
I just used a coupon while buying plan B. The pregnant sales clerk nodded in approval.
stripped for him at 3am on my childhood playground and used the swing set as a pole.
Oh my god my life; so much cake and so little sex
he was holding his dick in one hand and my boob in the other and i looked down and thought, this is my life
my greatest accomplishment from the city of diplomacy is that i puked at a table of 5 diplomats and my professor and NONE OF THEM NOTICED
Heaven was on the 3rd floor and Hell was on the first. When the cop walked up he was confused as to who the noise complaint was for and wrote both apartments a noise violation.
He just took a bite of each taco bell burrito and hid them throughout my apartment. this was 2 weeks ago and have found 30 burritos so far
I plan on showing these boobs to so many people that by the end of it ill just have a shirt of beads.
I may have just made our entire microwave glow green. Like big green. Like spark and make me shit green.
Like worse than the time I blew up the microwave with the egg green.
Then he rubbed shampoo all over my arm and shouted, "Garnier FUCK THIS."
Fucking holidays. How do I have this many men who want to fuck me and none of them are available when I'm ready to blow my top?
So apparently it wasn't anything really bad, it's hemorrhoids. Which is the medical word for butthurt. I actually have ass ointment.
I just wanted to tell you that the German word for "dickhead" can also be translated as "ass violin" and I think that's beautiful.
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