I'm totally gay for Miss Californiaaaaaa
oh sweet, sweet irony
yo I sort of want to fuck rachel maddow. but I'm not a lesbian. actually I reaally want to so maybe I am a lesbian. at least on weekdays at 9.
Fuck appropriateness.
Why are all the lights on in my house? Every single one. Someone should turn them off but I'm the only one here and I'm sure as hell not doin it.
he told us the story of how he fought ketchup, mustard, and thomas the train engine all in one night. if that doesn't sound like an acid trip i dont know what does.
That's ok. I found a crab leg in my bed and have no pants on.
Housing came buy and confiscated our shopping cart :(
Seriously? What part of meeting at Oktoberfest while I'm wearing a dirndl, double fisting, and making out with random guys screams "i'm girlfriend material"?!
Right... Let's keep my vodka tinged mind focused on simple words
I just took the cheapest shot in your honor
We mailed him an 18 inch double headed dildo for his birthday. The Fedex guys certainly got a laugh out of it.
I found my spirit animal in the shower. It's a sloth/bear that lives in my chest.
On the way home she told me she was in kindergarten when 9/11 happened
I was just told I’m pretty enough to be a catfish. This made me so happy...
Our fake lesbian relationship is better than her real relationship. Bitch be jealous
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