Heyy I kind of wanted to apologize and excuse myself for last night. I feel like that was a little much. I just met you. That's why I don't like tequila. Haha
So I have exactly 420 dollars saved up in tips from the past week. I win, and I take that as a sign from god that I am allowed to use that money to buy drugs.
i woke up with someone drivers licenses in my wallet this am...he said i don't have a business card so just take my drivers license
He noticed there was ketchup on his shirt and took it off. Noticed there were people there and put it back on. Then he saw the ketchup again. He must have taken his shirt on and off about 6 times
Forever 21 now has a maternity line. Even more of an incentive for me to get pregnant at a young age.
I will probably be peed on at some point today.
I have blocked the memory from my mind. He is just a fuzzy cloud floating with my other bad decisions..
When i say that im working late and also have a paper to write before 9am tomorrow all i want u to respond is saying that ur gunna come over and sexually distract me from my responsibilities. Not a fucking frowny face.
Sorry. Im on my way.
Why is there a condom in the dishwasher...
scratch that I can tell you where she is shes drunk on a beach somewhere being a penis slayer
I think I swiped left on my soulmate
You're at a grade school volley ball game with a yeti of tequila. You've passed extra
I’m drunk and naked and looking for my charger - title of my autobiography.
we're tipping the strippers with chocolate coins.
Did I honestly think it was a good idea to wear my pink robe out in public at 2 in the morning ?
Randomize
