If God had a period, it would result in diet faygo redpop
Any particular reason you put 2 smashed up limes in my back pocket last night?
I just noticed my teeth are no longer straight. Wondering if anyone had an explanation.
So how many licks to the face does it take to get kicked out of the bar?
He doesn't have any game.. I mean, his one move is forwarding chicks pictures of his penis.
I drunk dialed my ex-boyfriend last night. He was sitting next to my new boyfriend. Shoot me in the face.
I'm mentally preparing myself to hang out with him by staring into the mirror saying "thou shalt not get naked" over and over.
I. Did. In fact. Sprain. My liver. This. Weekend.
After her AA meeting, she was on the phone with her mom, and when she said, "they're making me start over with Step 1," I quietly sang, "cut a hole in the box".
So, settle a debate for my housemates. Have you measured your dick. And how long. Results Will not be disclosed
Then that is decided. Fuck away my little bunny rabbit.
Went to put my shoe on and asked myself why I left a sock in it. I didn't. Needless to say I found our used condom.
Godammit I caught my hair on fire taking a bong rip
It took me an hour to walk from my drive way to my front door... what the fuck was in that weed?
He broke through his window then signed his name on the biggest peice of glass from it. I think they framed it and named it 'best party ever'
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