you wouldn't even come home last night... Dead to me
I just put a picture of what I imagine Rob's dick looks like on it on my vision board. thank you Oprah!
The Swedes wanted a tensome.
you probably have like 11 voicemails from us, one is us singing my heart will go on while were fucking
Im in search of the perfect penis, it would be unethical for me not to test run them.
There're making snowcones with the leftover vodka from last night. This is not the time to be making up excuses!
Used a cardboard box as a pillow and a towel as a blanket. Its like the great depression over here
you know you're a senior when your friends are at the bar before you even get out of class
why the fuck would you go to class? it's karaoke wednesday.
We need to get her a baby shower present. And no, a blow up sex doll with her dead boyfriends picture stuck to it, is not appropriate.
IF I CAN STICK YOUR DICK IN MY MOUTH, I CAN STICK MY GUM ON YOUR NIGHTSTAND.
So both cops helped talk her into coming back into the bar and doing a shot with me. The main argument being, "a bar is no place to be sober!"
I just stole a bunch of balloons from a birthday party and am giving one to each person at the bar.
You claimed that someone else had vomited underneath you/on your hand
you were very insulted that we didn’t believe you that someone else vommed
Lmao. K I'll be 100% honest. I was over at your place like 12 hours ago with your roommate. If I hadn't of been there then I'd take you up on your booty call offer. So. If you're not creeped out another time please?
just woke up to an abnormally swollen ankle (broken, perhaps?) and a shirtless man with the most beautiful abs I've ever seen sleeping on my floor.
is your ankle ok??
WHY IS HE ON THE FLOOR. SINCE WHEN DOES BLACKOUT ME ALSO COCKBLOCK ME
Randomize
