Hello Stephanie, you need to come pick me up at Par Blvrd correctional facility and bring $750-$1000 for bail. I just got a DUI. Thank you.
What!?!?! How are you txting?!
Because this is Officer Reynolds, and I just arrested your boyfriend.
We were driving to yogurt express by state and these girls mooned is while they passed us and we saw full vag complete with tampon string dangling.
I mean I like that it's warm enough to open the windows, but it annoys me that I can't walk around naked anymore.
sorry we overslept. have a good day at work. p.s. thanks for making it feel like my vagina got hit by a train.
At one point I was double fisting both beer & ice cream. I love public events in this town.
I fed the cats at 7 am, made her eggs, gave her oral, and now I'm helping her clean and baking her brownies. Cosmos got nothing on me.
Are you sure you didn't shit in my back yard?
We could all 3 jump out of a cake in just tophats. A true marble cake.
Our host-mom was rubbing her back sympathetically going "muy bien, chica" while she puked on the beach. So yeah, I think we got the best one.
WTF? Why is there a pic of my tits in ur dad's office?
Some how my underwear was hanging from the antlers of a antelope head on the wall of the hotel........
i'm licking honey sensually off my arm while alone in my room. what has my life come to
I managed all three standard threesome configurations a female-bodied person can achieve in just under nine years. I want to high-five everyone involved, but I've lost touch with a couple of them
No i dont need a babysitter i have my cats. Cats can dial 911 ya know
You're just upset because I have cupcakes and boobs and you don't.
Randomize
