allegedly i woke up at 5am sat in the dishwasher and peed
We traveled between two mile markers in 18 seconds. Do the math.
he used the word "rubber" i just couldn't do it after that.
So i guess my mom went into the kitchen and asked me why i was making mac and cheese at 4 in the morning and apparently i yelled at her to "get the fuck back bitch you don't know my life"
We've finally come to the understanding that as long as our conversation stays stricaly sexual, we get along.
my way of studying for our final tomorrow: registering online to retake the class in the fall
We should see who can shotgun a beer faster over iPhone FaceTime
Easy for you to say! His first impression of you isn't the drunk girl in a turtle costume who got hit by a car!
I tried telling you she just blew me in the bathroom but you were too busy making out with her to listen
Yes, she did suck your dick in the bathroom to wake you up.
Life just isn't the same without him waking me up at 4 in the afternoon with a look of pity on his face...
We had to go to his parents last night for dinner & ended up having a quickie in the bathroom while everyone else was outside smoking.. This is why we have a successful marriage.
Slept with the roommate last night and also discovered that she believes in eugenics. I may need to slow down my drinking
Well, I guess my plans of staying around the apartment and drinking my weight in boxed wine are ruined. I have a date tonight.
Her pegging playlist is all heavy metal so stay away if you wanna keep your ass intact
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