Yah man, that place is surreal
Man, I'm from Tennessee. What the fuck is surreal?
i just remebered what i did last night, i asked a homeless man on a bike "hey whatcha doin with that bike, wanna make 5 bucks?" he agreed and then rode me on his handle bars a block away to the next bar.
honestly, magaritas are the void men can't fill.
Sorry about all the noise last night. We were trying to break bottles by kicking soccer balls at them. If it's any consolation, there's shattered glass and blood all over my kitchen.
He got about halfway through singing "Drift Away" before he passed out and broke my coffee table.
Agreed. And i highly doubt it could be awkward. You do remember our introduction was a direct result of you mentioning your affinity for my genitals, right?
Everything's fine I'm just stoned and my pillows are too soft.
There is a large, jolly black gentleman in the parking lot of my appartment complex yelling about 5am jelly doughnuts. I want to be where he's at.
I'm here to help build your repertoire of drunken shenanigans and I should have been arrested stories
To tired for the bar. Came home and drank wine out of the bottle. Kind of don't want to know what that says about my life.
We got way too high so we're sitting in the parking lot of the movies trying to figure out what bar to go to
THEIR PENISES MATCH. I JUST REALISED THAT. THEY HAVE IDENTICAL DICKS. OH GOD.
drying my bra with a hair dryer wasn't exactly how I had planned on starting my day.
we need to tell them stories about when happens when we're sober so they think they know what they're in for when they're actually completely unprepared for whn happens when we get drunk
I need a rain check on breakfast. A frat boy said it was his dream to sleep with a MILF, I made his dream come true and he made me cum
There is no way I’m wasting 21 year old morning wood
Randomize
