Hey sorry i havent responded. i threw up on my phone while i was sleeping
cannot fit in my clothes. too depressed to drink.
if you drink enough to puke, it's like a weight loss plan.
Just saw my boss eat a banana in three bites.
Skipped a towel and decided to spit the cum into his face. I now owe him new contacts.
Im sitting next to shitfaced santa at the cuse game. My plan to be on television is now flawless
woke up to an unread text message i sent to myself: "brreakfdast..pork and ice cream."
I guess wearing a straight up bikini to class is an early indication that Thirsty Thursday has started.
Let's just say, at one point i got woken up at 4am by a naked guy who was offering me steak, in a cup.
nah, they dropped the charges. apparently ripping his junk when he tried to hop the fence seemed like punishment enough...
I just wanted to share with you that my life has come to naked arts and crafts, to fix my flask, with a rum and coke in my hand... Good luck on your exam
I really have a thing for Greek chicks; I feel like while we are having sex she has the ability to make hummus which is just too appealing for me to pass up.
Lemme put it this way babe, at point you were naked in Target.
Where were you?
Laughing
They're letting me in by good graces, I can't show up with a fist full of dildos
You didn't throw up on me, you threw up on yourself and then tried to give me a hug
someone is getting fuckign RAWDOGGED on this campus as we speak and it makes me FURIOUS
Randomize
