Hands down the best time I've ever had barfing.
giving a 30 min presentation still drunk is like giving birth, upside down in a pit of snakes while being on fire.
I'm sorry. I really don't see what's wrong with pregaming before a wine tasting.This champagne won't drink itself.
The wine tasting is just for charity anyways...
Here's my first problem: I'm drunk
I think he is probably a psycho that will eventually murder me but i mean the sex last time was AWESOME.
Well, you know sobriety isn't something I like to do on the reg.
I have a 30 pack and enough condoms to last until tomorrow morning. Have Mystery Science Theater 3000 ready. I'm on my way over.
Right now I'm drinking out of a gallon water jug & eating a baconator. If you're feeling down, just remember you could be me.
my only goal for the semester is never go to my wednesday class sober
bullshit you weren't drunk, you pointed at me and said my cigarette was empty
There was pot, but there are no Doritos, no Funyons, no Oreos.
Send help.
What happened last night and why am I partially covered in queso?
I emptied a Vyvance capsule into my coffee pot last night and set the auto start. Pretty sure I've been drinking meth all morning
I knew how blacked out you were when you started doing that thing where you dance around and call yourself the Black Swan.
Learned two new lessons today: 1) Do not identify pills found in one's car by taking them to see what happens, especially while at work, and 2) There is no logical reason to keep ambien in one's vehicle...
Randomize
