I don't understand why she insists on me walking her to the door. She came over for literally 8 minutes, we had sex, and now I need her to leave. That fake chivalry will change nothing about the situation.
Why do you have Season One of Reba in your underwear drawer?
Why are you in my underwear drawer?
Well, at first I was really confused. But then I realized that he was talking from his penis's perspective... in third person.
what kind of wine goes with anal sex and shame?
I think my mom knows im high. It could be because im slow dancing with my cat in the kitchen. The dip and kiss is what gave it away.
It's taking 3 penises to fill the hole he left in my heart.
i just found this napkin with your number on it in my jacket pocket. it reads amy, drawing of a wine bottle and a house
she tried to douche with champagne. in front of all of us. unabashedly.
i'm exhausted. do you know how hard it is to put together an outfit that is professional enough to secure a babysitting job yet slutty enough to let him know i'm down for sex during naptime?
I walked by the two of them and mouthed "fuck me" based on there reaction I think they just came in their pants
I need to find another hobby that doesn't include being hungover.
I'm so pissed theres no male strip clubs around where we are staying I looked extensively
I'm now consulting a magic eight ball on all major life decisions. On another note I think I have chlamydia.
At least Shia Labeouf would encourage me to do this drinking contest
I think she tried to suffocate me with her tits...she almost succeeded.
Randomize
