I think dad's getting high again. His last google search was "awesome ping pong shit."
there was a guy here who managed to get his head stuck in a fishbowl. no, I don't fuckin know how
Okay I've seen like three girls walking around crying today. Weird?
everyone's regretting their thursdays.
I just realized last night I drunk-bought a flight to Florida for this weekend...kinda torn between the price and the potential of awesomeness
do you remember waking up from your blackout, kissing me ever so softly on the stomach, and saying "i love you bro. so much," then passing back out?
Having a race with the dryer. Seeing who can get drunk/dry clothes faster.
could you clean the juice and feathers off my bed I'm just not up for hangover cleaning.
the only way I will be happy is if my gallon spiderman bucket is full of either popcorn, nutella and peanut butter, or fried rice. CHOOSE WISELY.
High gym went like this: I went to Dairy Queen instead.
Also this guy fingered me at the bar and then gave me his card
Although a guy bought me a shot of fireball last wknd and I told him he wouldn't even get half a handjob for that and walked away so don't tell me I don't have standards
I have no idea why my husband is mad that I came home at 4 am & all I want to do is eat spaghettios. It's not fucking spaghettios fault.
I said no to friends with benefits because it was too much commitment
I'm going to book club and then I'm going to get laid. Being in your 20s ain't so bad sometimes.
I cannot take an uber back in my costume...can you please come get me?
Randomize
