i kept saying "bloody hell" in a ron weasley accent until i forcibly told myself to shut up
Apparently I think casual Friday means I can show up unshaven in yesterday's clothes and reeking of booze.
Youll never guess who has to go to fucking planned parenthood because trojan cant make a fucking condom
You act like I'm friends with her or something. I only screw her boyfriend!
Oh yeah.
this morning i realized i came home with more condoms then i left. burn.
I'm sorry I didn't make it out, I got distracted by sparkley boobies.
Need a ride. Apparently screaming about the bartender's erectile dysfunction gets you kicked out.
The stripper told me she had been working there for eight years, then got mad when I asked if she was trying to make it into mangment. Awkwardest lap dance
High water is the most godliest tasting water in the world.
he has this weird thing where he watches me pee
Are there any rules against fucking the hot TA?
Maybe for her....
Her problem, not mine
That's like doing a cinnamon challenge in my vag - but more painful.
he had DANDRUFF in his PUBES. 0/10 would not blow again.
I just put poptarts in the toaster with the wrapper on, that's how hungover I am.
If I die tonight, you and your brother can split my money evenly for college only.
all $38?
Randomize
