I went from sexy to sloppy in a matter of minutes
You know, if there were no such thing as marriage, i don't think porn would exist.
I fell asleep with all the lights and heat on in the apartment with windows open, Earth Hour is lost on people like me.
Im about to embark on a date with someone who shit in my car. How did this become my life?
i ran into my coworkers when i was walking home last night. i was shirtless. i think i gave my shirt to Walter. he's a cat.
im still drunk. birthday week begins.
PROFESSOR JUST TOOK A SHOT WITH US BEFORE CLASS. WELCOME TO THE LAST DAY OF FINALS.
My day went from bad to worse when I realized I puked out my second floor window last night.
It's really hard to masturbate now that I live with girls who actually function before 11 am.
so hungover i had to get off the train to puke, rallied and went to work. not sure if that's an adulting win or fail
I legit feel like I had sex with Joey Fatone. Is that weird?
Rock bottom: having sex rejected while your boyfriend talks in his sleep as you stuff your face with Girl Scout cookies
His condition for us having sex was that I wore my show boots. #equestrianproblems
I've slapped too many boys and done too many naked laps for it only to be 10:30pm
I'm fucking my way through California and it's kind of fun.
He just chose domino's over sex. ARE YOU KIDDING ME?
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