I accidentally broke up with him while I was drunk which is really too bad since I'd just gotten a birth control perscription so we could start having sex.
Do you think he'd take me back if I said "dude, we need to get back together or this IUD is going to have an existential crisis for not realizing its full potential"?
I wrote a list of all my homework due in the next few weeks. I feel I've done enough for tonight.
Shark Week. Kick off begins Sunday. The drinking game has been upgraded to include jumping/breaching sharks and Jake's not allowed to bring the harpoon. Period.
I think my penis ruined a perfectly good friendship.
I have to be more responsible. I've dropped three lighters into my bong today.
trying to figure out what happened last night by looking around the apartment.
naked man under the piano. THE PLOT THICKENS.
i tied my phone to a string attached to my bra. i am NOT losing it tonight
I just want a man to crawl into my bed with me and never crawl out. Anti socialism at his best.
I climbed out a window to pee last night because i thought i was locked in the room... Then crawled back in and went to bed. The poor neighbors.
Decided I'm going to wear a shirt that says "I'm sorry" whenever we go back to that fraternity
Halloween is the end of the singles holidays they don't start again until st. Patrick's day we better get wifed up or it's going to be a long winter lol
He's going to find out eventually, but really what's he going to do? Cry about it and buy another fucking kitten??
I mean, except for the part where I was vomiting up pineapple and hot sauce, it was a really fun time.
I'm wearing a fleece onesie eating pop tarts on the train to work. Killing it.
I’m going to lick a fucking door knob when this shit is all over
Probably Waffle House
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