what if I'm pregnant?
smusmorshion
This row in front of you is like duck, duck, goose - but eating disorder, eating disorder, failed eating disorder
a hangover this bad deserves a feeding tube
In case you were wondering, it hurts when the bouncer throws your phone at you after kicking you out of the strip club for taking pictures.
he left his wallet here so lets treat ourselves to a lunch for the lack of penis we both had deal with
he made his penis look like a sprinkler when he was coming. it was pretty cool actually.
you were trying to convince me that you weren't drunk by grabbing my shoulders, looking deeply into my eyes and saying "i can see your sparkle"
Do you think I should still be the condom fairy for Halloween even though I'll be like.. Almost 8 months pregnant?
i wondered why i had so many splinters in my hand, then i went out to my car and remembered id stolen an entire cactus
Dropping acid was like seeing the whole world as a blank canvas to imagine anything I wanted.
And apparently all you wanted was to watch the sun explode and me take 60,000 dicks to the face.
I'm truly not mad that he's at a strip club, it's that he couldn't look far enough into the future to figure out how to get himself home from one
i don't know what body building stuff he's on, but his cum is basically a 5 hour energy shot.
You continued to run around saying "free the nipple" while "taste testing" every liquor on the premises.
Clearly you need to take sleeping pills and put your phone in the toilet
You spent twenty minutes waxing poetic about her ass and her thighs
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