Just lost my virginity while listening to rick astley. torn between horror and jubilation
I wonder if he just picks random boners to send or just the realy impressive ones
the towel caught on fire outside the hottub but we were all too stoned to care
Hands down the most disgusting picture message ever received. Thank you.
im here for your entertainment
He gets a blow job and all I get is a huge scar on my arm ... how is this fair?
Pretty sure they aren't letting me back to karaoke night after I screamed "fuck every one of you tasteless hillbillies!!" because I felt they didn't clap loud enough for Jen.
I should have been on a postcard. I was sitting in the middle of the forest with a plate full of pot brownies and missing you.
The owner was showing me around and pointed at one of the bars and said "this is the one you're allowed to dance on. I could tell you wanted to ask." DREAM JOB.
It was the easiest thing I've ever done. 3am she walked into my room, saw my Buffalo Bills blanket, said go bills and got naked.
I mean when you laced a shot with $200 worth of cocaine I could see why you'd be mad when somebody drops it
Turns out he's just a recently divorced IT guy. Not a wizard.
Please come over. It's a pajama and burn-2016-in-effigy party
I have betrayed my no carb ways & I can feel it.
Embrace it. Come over to the dark side. I'll feed you muffins while stroking your hair.
twas supposed to be night one of rebound break but it was night one of get sloppy drunk and dance half naked in an ice shack
So you realized he wasn't actually cheating on you and now you're trying to unfuck things. Or in this case unfuck Tom.
Randomize
