Dude someone changed all the contacts in my phone to I Like Eggs
the police officer looked at my vomit and told me "milk was a bad choice"
I accidentally burped into my bong.
well this feels familiar. awake at the crack of dawn laying in the fetal position praying for the sweet release of death. i think im done with jager for a while
She used the word "fragged" in proper context. tell me that's not bust-nut hot.
he also begged me to fake an orgasm when he couldn't get me to come.
Periouds do not concern me. Biploogival needs are buological needs.
So I'm drinking wine and watching Thumbelina
I'm teaching my cat to play fetch
Yep, it's a friday
We got kicked out of the ice rink last night for drinking and checking strangers... but they let us keep the beer
I'd google it, but I don't really want my search history to say, "Name for masturbating on a flight."
So your contact has been changed to "jizz weave" in my phone. Now, as strange and random as that may be, I'm slightly embarrassed to say that I have more than one contact that fits that description so please identify yourself.
Easter bunny might get some gnarly munches and not even have enought candy left to hand out
He's like a unicorn and I just wanna domesticate him
IT'S A GIANT FUCKING ROBOT, DUDE. LOGIC IS OUT OF THE QUESTION BECAUSE AWESOME.
after last night, ive never not wanted to live so much in my life.
Randomize
