he started yelling "this is my pussy" mid thrust
She said her first boyfreind was so small she is still technically a virgin.
I woke up with his wallet, but not him. Gold-digging at it's finest.
I stayed up for hours making sure you didnt pass out in a mountain of your own puke. But when I heard you yell AWWWW FUUCCKK, somehow I knew everything would be ok
I officially lit my glove on fire while lighting the bong. Winter needs to end.
i did nothiing wrong other than not tell that kid his whole back was covered in puke
I found him on the floor in the kitchen eating cheese and tomato. I mean a block of cheese and whole tomatoes, he was alternating. Thats why your cheese has teeth marks.
We walked in and someone handed her an unopened bottle of jack with her name on it. She's like a drunken celebrity.
I'm just gonna go with where the wind takes me. if it takes me to his dick, so be it.
lets start a news segment called WHY IS LEOS CROTCH BURNING TODAY
She broke up with me. I guess I was in the most chaste lesbian relationship in the history of the world and had no idea.
Double dirt bag award winner tonight. He picked me up in his wife's car.
I may have broke the toilet masturbating. On a positive note the floor is really clean now.
listen I will take literally anything I can get my tiny gay fingers on
You know the sex was rough when you wake up with a chipped tooth. I have no regrets
Randomize
